so the fair just ended Finally Im happy to finally be back at home for more then 6 hours of the day ya I like being apart of it and all but still its good to be at home but now that the fair's over with that means only a couple days befor ******* gets back from *******camp its going to be soo weird with him back here cuz like ya he's been gone for most of the summer I still havent made up my mind about what Im going to do about him, I dont know why its so hard but for some reason it just is and Iv been thinking about it alott of the time during the summer and yet I still cant come to a conclusion which is the strang part about it. everyone says I should give him a chance but I dont know if I can , theres a part of me thats wants to but another that wants to push him away its all so complicated I dont know what to do about it anymore I really dont want summer to end I dont want to go back to school to face all the troubles and frears that I had to overcome and face last year I just cant deal with it somedays I kinda wish I was homeschooled when I was younger like my parents had originally planned or private school but then there are the odd days Im glad I went to public school but thse are like I said rare days indeed . but anyways Im goin off topic like when Im alone with ******* it gets soo werid like I would rather hangout with him just as a freidn with other people around and nothing more to happen because I really dont want to get inot a realtionship at the moment but for some reason theres a part of me that feels different about it all I dont know what the hell is wrong with me I wish I could just straighten out my feelings and make simple dissisions without everyone always helping me or getting a second oppioion. ****** says I have to stick up for my self and start fighting my own battles for my self or else everyone is going to start taking advantave of that and Ill loose control of my own actions for myself and just be someones playtoy that they can throw around and break over and over again. alot of people think I have a pretty easy going life , not living with a bad family , having a paycheck every two weeks freinds who will always be there for me but its more complicated then that theres alot going on in my life that I dont let people know about because I dont want them to be worried about me I put everyone elses happiness befor my own even if it kills me inside I want everyone around me to be happy befor myself